Asheo and Mistiet
by Robin Kirkman
Act 1, Scene 1

A pokemon parody of William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet

Cast of charecters:

Officer Jenny (Escalus): Princess of Pallet
Brock (Paris): Kinsmen to Jenny
Prof Oak (Montague): One head of two warring households
Boss (Capulet): The other household's head
Old Man (An Old Man): Uncle to Prof Oak
Ash (Romeo): Son of Prof Oak
James (Mercutio): Kinsmen to Brock, friend of Ash
Gary (Benvolio): Nephew to Prof Oak, friend to Ash
Meowth (Tybalt): Nephew to Persian
Prof Oak's Aide (Friar Lawrence): A Franciscan
Balthasar: Servant to Ash
Sampson, Gregory: Servants to Boss
Peter: Servant to Misty's Nurse
Abraham: Servant to Prof Oak
Drug Dealer: An apothecary
Heavy Metal Band: Three musicians
Crowd: chorus
Mail Boy: Page to Brock
Policeman: An officer
Ash's Mom (Lady Montague): Wife to Prof Oak
Jessie (Lady Capulet): Wife to Boss
Misty (Juliet): Daughter of Boss
Nurse Joy (Juliet's Nurse): Nurse to Misty


Sampson: Gregory, carrying coals would suck.
Gregory: You got it, bro. We'd be miners if we did.
Sam.: Minors can't drink.
Gre.: You're not a minor or a miner.
Sam.: I drink quickly, being moved.
Gre.: Yeah, you're quickly moved to drink.
Sam.: It takes a freak of nature, aka servant to Prof Oak to move me.
Gre.: To be moved is to run, staying put is valiant. When you see Prof Oak you run away.
Sam.: A slave of that house will move me to stay my ground.
Gre.: Kick ass, here's some Oak people. Get your gun.
Sam.: My gun is out. You fight them, I'll support you.
Gre.: Huh? You'll run away!
Sam.: We need the law on out side. Wait for them to start the fight.
Gre.: I'll make faces at them.
Sam.: Whatever. I'll flick them off.

Enter Abraham and Balthasar

Abraham: Were you flicking us off?
Sam.: I'm flicking -someone- off.
Abr.: Are you flicking me off?
Sam.: Is it legal to flick him off?
Gre.: Nope.
Sam.: I'm flicking someone off, but not you.
Gre.: Do you want to fight?
Abr.: Fight? No sir!
Sam.: If you -do- fight, I'll be your opponent. My master's as good as yours.
Abr.: Not better.
Sam.: So?
Gre.: Say ours is better, here comes my master's kinsmen.
Sam.: Yeah, say he's better.
Abr.: He's not better.
Sam.: Aim, if you're a man. Gregory, remember your sight.

They fight.

Enter Gary.

Gary: Separate, you idiots! You have no idea what you're doing!

He messes up their guns

Enter Meowth.

Meowth: Hmm, are you fighting among these scum? Turn around Gary, look at your death.
Gar.: I only keep the peace. Put away your gun, or help me stop these guys.
Meo.: What, it's out and you talk of peace? I hate the word as I hate hell, Professor Oak, and you. Let's fight, you coward!

They fight.

Enter lots of random people who start beating each other with sticks.

Random People: Down with Team Rocket! Down with Pokedex!

Enter The Boss, and Jessie, both in bed clothes.

Boss: What's this noise? Cool, get me my sniper rifle!
Jessie: Screw that. Why do you need your gun?
Bos.: My gun, I said! Oak is here and flashing his!

Enter Prof Oak and Ash's Mom.

Oak: You idiot, Boss! Hold me back!
Mom: You aren't going anywhere.

Enter Officer Jenny, with attendants.

Jenny: Terrorists! Bad guys! Dumbnuts!
You people who put out fires in your hearts with another's blood!
Drop your guns and listen to my judgement!
Three fights so far, each from insults from Oak and Capulet,
have thrice woken me in my sleep, and made my citizens fight.
If you do it again, I'll kill you both.
For now, the survivors can go away free.
Boss, come with me. Oak, you come this afternoon.

Exit Jenny, attendants, Oak, Ash's Mom, Meowth, random people, and all servants.

Oak: Who started this fight?
Gary: Both your servants and Oak's were fighting when I got here.
I tried to separate them but Meowth started fighting -me-!
Then Office Jenny broke us up.
Mom: Where's Ash? Have you seen him today?
Gary: We was out in the woods, under a tree when I saw him.
When I went to greet him, he ran off into the woods.
I didn't follow him, he wanted to be alone.
Oak: He's there a lot, crying. When the sun comes up, he goes to his room and stays there all day. Maybe we need a psychiatrist.
Gary: Do you know the cause, Unc?
Oak: Nope, and he won't tell me.
Gary: How have you tried to find out?
Oak: I asked myself, and asked his friends. He's keeping it secret.
I wish i knew how to cheer him up.
Gary: Hey look, he's coming. I'll find out.
Oak: Good luck, and have fun! Let's go, Persian.

Exit Oak and Ash's Mom.

Enter Ash

Gary: Good morning, cousin!
Ash: Is it that early?
Gary: It's just past nine.
Ash: Hours are long when you're sad. Was that my dad who just left?
Gary: Sure was. How come time passes slow for you?
Ash: I haven't got something to make it pass fast.
Gary: You in love again?
Ash: Out of it, rather.
Gary: Out of love? Huh?
Ash: She hates me but I love her.
Gary: Love can hurt.
Ash: Ditto. Where's a good donut shop?
Whoa, what happened here? Wait, don't tell me, I've heard it all.
It's cause they hate each other, but love to fight.
Gary: Doesn't it suck? I'm sad.
Ash: Why?
Gary: Cause you are.
Ash: That's another thing about love. It propogates pain, spreading from one person to the next through their love.

Ash starts to leave

Ash: Goodbye!
Gary: I'm following you.
Ash: I've lost myself, so I'm not here. I'm not Ash, Ash is somewhere else.
Gary: Tell me who you love?
Ash: I love a woman.
Gary: Big suprise.
Ash: You guess well. She's good looking also.
Gary: I'm smart as an arrow.
Ash: Well, you'll miss that one. She won't be shot by Cupid.
She is a prude.
Gary: She swore an oath to prudity?
Ash: Yeah. She's so beautifull, yet she won't let anyone have her.
Gary: Forget about her, then.
Ash: Teach me how to stop thinking, and I will.
Gary: Go look at a playboy.
Ash: She's better than that.
Gary: You go by your strategy, I'll go by mine.

Exit Gary and Ash

End Scene 1, Act 1


This okay with people? I think it could turn out rather good. It won't be as poetic as the original elizabethian, but then, i don't feel like translating Poetry to modern vernacular.

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